Feb 20 2009

Hey,
Just wanted to write in here before I go to bed. I finally understand what all of the "adults" were talking about when they said, "I cant do the things I used to. . .". I am finding that to be all too true now. I work a measly 72 hours in one week and my whole system crashes! grrr. I remember being able to stay up all night 4 nights a week while in college. I guess its true though.

Hey let me share a cool quote before I go,

"One secret act of self denial, one sacrifice of inclination to duty, is worth all the mere good thoughts, warm feelings, passionate prayers, in which idle men indulge themselves."
- John Henry Newman

Ahhh, I love it. Gotta go,
God bless.
- Curtis

Wow, it has been awhile since I have written. If you would like to know what is going on in my life look at the "bichels" blog that my wonderful wife has put together.

You know how sometimes when there is a change in your life how everything prior to that change takes a back seat so you can get used to that change? Well lets just say that that is what my life has consisted of. I started this new job working with kids in a facility. It has been really rewarding so far but challenging to say the least. Last week alone I put in 72 hours. While there are people who work more than that it is still daunting.

With this "current economic climate" I am really trying to find a way to have more than one profit center. Preferably one that will work or me instead of me having to place my whole life into it.

Im really not sure what else to write but i thought I would just get on and say something.
thanks for reading.

The Center of the Toilet Bowl

It is a wondrous thing to know your purpose in life. And by "your" I mean "mine". Boy, I certainly hope that you know your purpose; but if you don't, keep looking. I keep hearing from these Leadership books that you must have a goal to get anywhere. Going even deeper the goal must get you up in the morning. It has to get you excited. AS one OT Prophet said, "you word is like fore in my bones". This is what happens when you find your God-given purpose.
However exciting this is, do not think that it works like magic. It is not like you find your purpose and then it is easily accomplished. No. Anything work doing will not happen easily. I have found this statement to stand all too true. For those who know me, you know that I have sort of stumbled upon my purpose. The medium that has revealed said purpose is spelled m-o-c-o-b-u. It is an acronym for Moberly Community Builders.
I say "stumbled" because this was not really my Idea. My good friend Zach came up with the Ideas to promote Community where there was none. Through many hours of talking and discussing the philosophy of what we were doing, a light switch flipped in my head. This light was no run-of-the-mill-kitchen-light though. Have you ever been in a gym with those huge cone looking lights? Have you ever been the one to turn them on? If you have ever turned on one of those lights and didn't know what you were doing you might have tried to flip the switch several more times in a vain attempt to get the juice flowing. What happened was that the lights needed time to warm up.
So I walked around and lived life to its extent all the while having this switch flipped in my head, unbeknownst to me. Suddenly one day I was walking and like a baseball bat to the face I was hit with the illumination of this idea. It must have been funny to those watching me seemingly out of nowhere smack my head into an invisible pole and fall flat on my back. That is at the very least what I felt like. (No i didn't actually fall down). It took days before this buzz shed its light on a host of Ideas all centered around a word that lit up brighter that the rest: Community.
As far as I can tell Community infiltrates every aspect of life. The concept itself is not really difficult to understand. My definition is basically "a group of people who meet together to strengthen connections with each other and to accomplish specific goals". As you may imagine this spiders its way into everything. The meaning is so broad it can be applied to something as informal as two people getting a cup of coffee to an activist group holding a barbeque to share ideas and fire each other up.
Mr. Worstell said something in my class on Cross Cultural Communications a few weeks ago about how cultures are changing. He said that it is up to the new generation of missionaries to come up with the methods of winning people to Jesus Christ. He asked what are we going to do? How are we going to build the church? Or at least something to that effect. This question really stuck with me. lol. But seriously, my mind started swirling with the notion of community building and putting that into a missions setting. What would that look like. I look at Acts 2:42-47 to find my answer. And I realize that we have been "doing church" (gosh I loathe that phrase) all wrong.
Why has church been deemed boring? Why do I not want to go on Sunday? You can come up with all manner of self depricating things to make you feel bad so that you will at least feel it to be a Christian duty. Or you can speak vehemently about sacrifice and bring up Jesus dying so that you feel your sacrifice of being so bored your eyeballs are going to melt out of your head is really a small price to pay. Realistically here is what Acts 2:42-47 should say today. " They met once a week for just under an hour in a building that was constructed specially for them. Everybody shared the debt for the building at about 6,000 dollars a family. Everybody filed in just as the show started. A few more devoted and righteous were there several minutes to an hour earlier and had good seats in the front. They mumbled together a chorus that was well put together but sung a little off key. Everyone kept feeling a sense of dread as the preacher droned on and on and added numerous point to what was supposed to be a three point sermon. They dashed out and got into their vehicles as soon as piously possible and only saw eachother again at the supermarket or a sporting event until the next week."
I don't mean to be negative or put down people's hard work. Because I think a lot of good is done in traditional churches. This in no way can be a blanket statement either about all churches. There are many roads but all lead to Christ. But I think that even the new churches or the "house church" movement have a fault. They focus on what needs to be ACCOMPLISHED in the SERVICE not what interactions can be made, what people can be helped, what bonds can be formed etc.
Keep in mind that I don't have all of the answers and I really need a lot of input. Like I said earlier that I am just forming these thoughts in my mind about this. Let me know what you think.
God Bless

For the past few days it seems like I have woken up angry and the rest of the day I am angry. Usually about noon I decide that I do not want to be an angry person and try to change my attitude but something is out of sorts. Something isn't right, like a car with a clogged carburetor, I realize I am not running efficiently. I have been actively in my mind, trying to think of a way to change this thing about myself. Using strictly mind power/will power I have tried to "decide" my way out of this clog and get back to running correctly. I don't know if any of you can relate to this but those of you who can probably know that it doesn't work; at least it didn't for me. Alas, there is hope though, for I happened upon the cure to this problem tonight.

I spoke of this cure in my previous blog titled "when is God happy with you?". Allow me a moment to set the stage. Today the weather was amazing. When I say that most people will think instantly of a tropical breeze and not a cloud in the sky. This was not the case. While that is great, today's perfect weather consisted of 63 degrees high and 54 degrees low and rainy. It was overcast all day and a light cool breeze cooled everything off. It was the kind of weather that you would have a bonfire and hayride in to kick off the fall. Anyway, I love this kind of weather. Fall is my favorite season. So with that in mind I decided to relax and enjoy the rustling in the trees. I got my trusty lawn chair and headed out to my front walk.

I opened my chair and sat down. The trees were swaying in the breeze and the neighborhood was calm. I could hear some kids in the distance and the occasional car driving by but that was it. I closed my eyes and felt the wind gently touch my skin. I looked up and saw the gray clouds lumbering slowly overhead like some Hawaiian tourist who moves slow enough to take a picture of everything before moving on. Everything was in such perfect harmony.

The breeze slowed to a stop only for a second before picking back up. And suddenly I found myself in silence. In the silence something told me to listen. It said to clear my head and heart of every worry. It said to stop thinking about the day, monetary stresses, and everything that I am unsure of about myself, the world and our future.

The wind resumed its journey. Before I could pass this off as just my imagination the wind slowed again, then stopped. I was ready to listen. Two specific thoughts permeated my heart at that moment. The first could be summed up in one word. A feeling scrolling across my consciousness like a marquis, "PRAYER". The second idea just as clear, "My Word". I closed my eyes in a bittersweet sigh of thanks.

The wind resumed gently.

. . . Nothing. For anyone who has experienced this before they will know what I am talking about. But this was the state of my mind. There was nothing but joy and peace. Overwhelming peace. This leads me to think of a passage from 1 Kings 19:5-13. Here is the passage:

All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." 6 He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

7 The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." 8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 9 There he went into a cave and spent the night.

The LORD Appears to Elijah

And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

10 He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

This passage is what came to mind when I experienced all of this. It is not like I didn't know that I need to pray and read my bible. And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I needed to slow down and get away from life and our culture. While this is my point, it is not all I am trying to convey. I have heard this taught over and over again however I have just experienced what I have been taught and I knew. It is great to be reminded. It is even better when you are reminded with a gentle nudging from the Holy Spirit. I leave you with this thought. Psalm 46:10 says “Be still, and know that I am God”.

Do with it what you will. I hope it will bless you. Right now I am going to go pray.

At What Point Is God Happy With You

A couple of weeks ago I wnet and sat down on my porch. With book in hand, and some of the finer things in life, I began to alter my mind. Voraciously pouring over pages I sat there reading. Every page deepening my hunger for the next. My mind began to fill with inspiration, like whipped cream on a dessert. More meaty still my mind filled with principles. And meaty they were; I felt them attach themselves to the structure of my mind. I felt them take control of my arms, legs and hands. Instantly they became a part of ME.

Ah, to describe the hunger! The esire to have every page neatly devoured in that instant and stored in my very being, surged through me. This need this desire is given not by a desire to look cool to any crowd. No, no, if hunger was condemned I would stand alone. No this is done for the One I was created for. Likew a thirsty camel who stumbles upon water I have found the desire to be better for my Lord; and it felt good.

The sun finally sets leaving only fringes of twilight left and not enough to read by. I set the book down and take in the moment. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not figen easily to fits of touchy, feely, emotion-driven decisions about God. However what I felt in that moment can only be described as God smiling at me.

For Those Who Have Sacrificed So Much, I Salute You.

I had just recently spoken to some friends of mine. We got into a discussion about patriotic songs and one of my friends piped up, "I don't like any patriotic songs, I don't even like this country." On the outside I just smiled and took it in stride, but deep down I started to boil.

It is true. I am not a soldier and I have never seen war, at least in real life. But if what Hollywood is portraying is even 1/8th the horror that war really is then I can probably get the picture. Not to mention the countless number of real-life soldiers I have spoken to, and friends I have watched be shipped overseas.

Many of these men and women are giving their lives to this country. But what are they dying for? What is this country? If you take it from my friends perspective they are dying needlessly for a country that is so controlled by the "conspiracy-ridden" government that it cant even operate properly. Every twist and turn holds some new cancer causing drug that the "government" is putting into our water, shampoo, toilet paper, toys, cars, food, etc. Every turn holds some new danger of a world that has been ridden with booby-traps. Watch out, stay ever vigilant! Everything is out to get you.

I will admit, corporations are using unsafe policies and practices and putting their clientele at risk. I do believe that, in some cases, people should abandon the billion dollar pharmaceutical companies for the safer herbal alternative. Stop looking for the pill to fix everything, but I digress. I will admit that some of these fears are valid but people like my friend are focusing on the wrong thing.

These people usually float through life. They seek ways to blame others for their crappy lot in life. Like a fermenting turd they sit there and get smellier and worse to everyone around them. These people are poisonous people. I don't need to tell you to stay away from them because truth be told you can smell them coming. Most of their friends are the exact same way. Entitlement is a word that you will hear often with this group. At any given time you can hear them complaining about the country and things that they don't like. If the government sets up a program that doesn't directly benefit them they are foursquare against it. Yet, when it cuts back they scream, "Capitalists!". They vehemently hate anyone who makes it financially and label "rich" to anyone who has learned to handle money. They vilify these "rich" as a way to escape responsibility for not achieving their dreams. There is much more that I can say about this group of people however I do not want to devote anymore time to explain people that give so precious little back to this great country.

Despite my irritation toward this class of people, I do not hate them. I really just want to ask a question. If they are so against the culture that we have, what are these people doing about their culture to fix it? Moreover, don't they realize that they must change themselves to make anything better?

My God tells me that ". . . you will know the truth and the truth shall set you free" (John 8:32 NIV). A truth that I have found is that when someone dies for your freedom, whether it be God, or a person, you owe it to them to conduct yourselves like free people. Moreover, you owe them your life.
These soldiers are dying for an ideal that I don't think people like my friend are living up to. This country is in trouble. This culture is headed down the drain. We need men and women of honor and integrity to stand up and lead this country to change. I was listening to Orrin Woodward speak in Minneapolis, MN. He said that in every bloody revolution you can look 50-75 years previous in that country and see that an idea war was lost. The result was a horrific revolution.
My point is that if we lose this culture, if we let it slip; if we do not look inside and change the person we see there; if we stand by in horror while everything that has been sacrificed gets spat on and trampled into the dirt, our children and our grand-children will pay in blood for our laziness.

For those who have sacrificed so much, I salute you. God Bless.

People as Objects, People as People

So today I started this book called The Anatomy Of Peace. Man, I am only on chapter five of this book and I have already learned a lot.
Imagine looking at people and not seeing dreams, goals, insecurities, etc. Rather you see something that has been put on this earth to serve your every whim. Only they don't. No, these frustrating autonomous . . . things, don't do what you want them to. Closer examination finds that these. . . entities have feelings and thoughts. And worse yet, they have had a childhood which means that they have. . . IDEAS. And not just a few, mind you, these drones have ideas about everything. And to top it off they want to push these ideas onto you. Who do they think they are? Trying to make you think the way that they do! BAH!
"FALL IN!" your mind screams at them. Anger and frustration seeps out of you. Frustrated you beat these belligerent people with an emotional wet noodle. Eyes closed you start swinging for the fence. One connection, Two! Suddenly you feel a nice breeze coming off of your emotional weapon. What happened? You look around and are utterly alone, save that cricket looking at you in the corner whimsically. He blinks, you blink, he blinks, you blink, he shrugs his shoulders and hops away unscathed by beast in the center of the room.

So come to find out that this is no way to view people. And while this is a vilification of my perceived self, this realization of who I was was like hitting myself with that same wet noodle. Do you ever feel like that? I have learned so much in this last year and even now i feel like the high-rise building of my leadership journey keeps having its workers accidentally nose dive off of the skeleton frame of the building.

Back to what I was talking about. I want to just quote the most powerful part of this book. It is on page 29. Here goes:

"In the way we regard our children, our spouses, neighbors, colleagues, and strangers, we choose to see others either as people like ourselves or as objects. They either count like we do or they don't. In the former case, since we regard them as we regard ourselves, we say our hearts are at peace toward them. In the later case, since we systematically view them as inferior, we say our hearts are at war."

This hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been at war with others like you would not believe. I thought before that it just meant that I was trying to hurt others. This is not the case. A deep inspection of who I am really made me understand that I see people as objects. I am not going to go into why this is right now. Partly because of time, partly because I don't want to create excuses. So for those of you reading that may have been a victim of my wild-swinging-closed-eyed-rampage please forgive me. You are important and I love you all.